I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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