I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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