I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
