i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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