Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
