oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
