Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
