so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Randomize
