he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sext me about skeletons
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
