I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
