My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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