I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Randomize
