maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
