so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
