The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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