I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
