He asked me if I "almost moaned"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
