he thought i was a dude.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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