Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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