too bad you live with your parents still
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i've created a new STD.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
