my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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