it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
