He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
