What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
