Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
