why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
