if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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