Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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