This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
