This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
