Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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