Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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