Porn is love you can see.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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