he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
