I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
