Where is the hickey?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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