I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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