ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
