Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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