i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
