I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
