wakey wakey hands off snakey
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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