There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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