my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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