is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
