god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
