Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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