The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
