i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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