I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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