sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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